well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
