Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
