Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize