yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
