i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
