Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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