i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize