Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize