Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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