Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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