even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
