I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
