Kiss
Puke
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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