worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
