how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
