i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
