well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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