I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize