any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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