Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
