at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize