I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
