we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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