Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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