Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
