Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
