we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
