Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
