i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
