y did u give ur computer a hand job?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
