I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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