So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
