the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
