so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
