you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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