Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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