She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
