That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
