Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
