Yo dont text me then not text me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
