it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize