a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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