I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
