You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
