PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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