I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
