I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
