you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
