can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we should paint friendship bongs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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