Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
