wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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