My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
