apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
