Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
