i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
