Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
