hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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