Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
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