we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
