Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
