I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's always time for handjobs
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
