Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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