and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
