why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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