i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm always down for nudity.
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