so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am spending my child support on dildos
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
