Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
